Mollyyoung

Conjuring up our melancholy,
"Oh, we can't go on!"
Certain our sadness was necessary;
Oh, we've been so wrong.

And all that distance that we dispatch
Won't ever help us feel less alone.

Stop all that dark and senseless brooding:
Sing a different song.

Don't get dramatic; this ain't the movies;
Turn the camera off.

Yeah, all that acting seemed fine at first
But we've been playing this part for too long.

Being one in almost 7 billion people to share this planet (not to mention every other organism) is bound to shed a harsh light on the possible potential of one's importance in this world. But know this: Everything is the reason why everything else is.

Every action, thought, emotion and, especially, lack of action effects/affects the next millisecond of everything else, everywhere else. Worth is the most perceptive perspective. You can choose to harness your potential or decide to just vainly wallow and submit. Either way, it's your own fault. Accept responsibility, and don't base your self-worth on your ASSUMPTIONS of what others may or may not think of you. You are in control of the way you let yourself continue to feel. If you don't like who/what you are/do...CHANGE IT. It really is that simple. Everyone/everything is vital to the progression/perpetuality of this universe. For instance: If a mother has a miscarriage, and that baby is never even born, the world is not and never will be the same without it. Or with it. Every mosquito that passes away may have potentially been a mosquito to contract Malaria and assist in spreading it throughout some African village. Or not. There are nothing but infinite possibilities in this fluctuating life. Be your own God.

Keep your chin up, kid. Sorrow is gorgeous, but useless unless you use it advantageously in regards to your perception of polarity: The deeper the sadness you've endured, the greater the glee you can enjoy.

Turn that Pain/Doubt into something useful, instead of dealing with it as is and succumbing to apathetic acceptance. Dormancy and stagnant indifference are ruining this world. You're too wonderful and individual to avoid being a part of The Solution.

had to put this up so I wouldn't loose it... it's written by this guy named Poem. he's a singer/songwriter... you should check him out on myspace!

listening to self conclusion by the spill canvas

Yeah we all flirt with the tiniest notion
Of self conclusion in one simplified motion
You see the trick is that you're never supposed act on it
No matter how unbearable this misery gets

(one of my favorites by them- besides your evil soul)

and tired as fuck.

I live in the past and I dislike it.

The weather's been so nice I can't help but look through old pictures.

there's so many more I could put up, but I wont... I would take me for fucking ever.

but somehow looking through these pictures always makes me sad.

I guess it just bothers me that things will never be the way they were.

I hate change. I mean really really really hate change. It's just something I've never gotten used to. I like feeling comfortable in my life, change fucks that up. This whole year has been fucked up, it's been a good year don't get me wrong, but fucked up. and truthfully I'm nervous for what's to come; it's different and I don't know if I can handle it. Well, I know I can I just don't know how easy it will be.

I find myself constantly thinking about it.

But I paint to get my mind off things like this. It's just so relaxing to listen to music with all my windows open and paint.

 The warm weather gets me in such a better mood, it's astonishing.

(Prom tomorrow can't fucking wait)

just a reminder

i need to buy:

augustana's new cd

the weepies- Hideaway/ Say I am  You

what made milwaukee famous

toyoko police club/ the kooks/the wombats

paper rival

white tie affair

Lydia- Illuminate

Iron and Wine- The Shepherd's Dog

Death Cab for Cutie- Narrow Stairs

The Spill Canvas- Honestly, I Doing Okay

Elliot Smith

Tilly and the Wall

I know the last page so well
I can't read the first
So i just don't start

I wanna know what it's like
On the inside of love
Of course i'll be alright
I just had a bad night

the days are getting so much better

I cannot wait for summer

and summer plans.

warped tour anyone?

my nights have become torturous again.

I try to keep my mind of it by going on this stupid thing, drawing, hw or this
for example.

but nothing seems to work.

my days have gotten better, a lot better, but when night falls it leaves and I'm left with what I've tried so hard to depose of.

I don't even know you.
You won't even know I'm gone.
Was it something I did wrong.

The Spill Canvas saved me...

what artists or/and songs help you through tough times?

So I'm up late and am listening to Damien Rice, who I love love love. His music calms me so much and the opera that appears in some of his songs is just amazing. I love how his emotion rises as the song plays and how he so gracefully ends them, in a whisper sometimes. The intial reason for me listening to Damien Rice was my attempt to continue the mood that had been so appropiately placed in Atonement, the book based movie staring Kiera Knightly (sp) and James McAvoy who I love and tried to get a picture of but for some reason isn't working.... anyways the music matched Damien Rice's style so much and I wanted to keep listening to it. I had heard from a lot of people that this movie was a dissappointment and the basic plot of it. To all the most frusturating part was the ending, but for me I actually enjoyed it. It was indeed very depressing and filled with sorrow due to what it uncovered in the end, but that was what I like about the movie. It wasn't your typical love story where the lovers always come together in one way and you are left with the impression that they will live happily forever. In this movie the two lovers were never actually able to come together and the once little girl who sought atonement, never quite achieved it; realistically. For me that portrayed reality, the fact that some things you'll never be able to undo, the fact that from the exterior you can appear to hear cleared your conscious on a wrongdoing, but internally the guilt still remains, real human emotions pour out, and the happy/cheerful/naive facade of what people like to think of life disappears. Nothing is as it seems in the movies and this movie (which I hope to read the book soon) does this. For me at least, it ends in a more realistic way. Life isn't a fairytale; aspects of it can be, but you can't base your life off one...

we'll that's my rant, although I didn't intend for it to be.

oh and I have some new pictures from friday night.

(the one pair of sunglasses I liked I stepped on and broke. After that I haven't been able to find a pair I liked. This picture would be an example. I just have bad luck with them. When I was in Rome, Italy we went to this really nice sunglasses place with like prada, dior, dolce & gabana sunglasses and I managed to knock down a whole rack of them and get kicked out by the store owner... oops, I felt so bad.

on one last notes, it's embarrassing how often I am on the computer... I need to fix it.

(I'm really tired. So, sorry if this doesn't make any sense.)

I think time has slowed down or something because this day has been so long; not that I dislike the way this days been, but to say the least I was ready to go to bed at five this afternoon. Though it probably has something to do with going to bed after one each night (fuck insomnia) and waking up in the morning to work. with the lack of homework I haven't had much to do today, so I took the opportunity to just relax, which had been good because I hardly ever get the chance to fully relax.

I also got the chance to write down all my lyrics and quotes so I won't lose them and won't have to keep posting them here and on myspace although I still probably will just for safe keeping. I have an idea for them, but I doubt it will ever happen since I never really finish any of my projects such as the glamour kills peace sign on my wall that is drawn out but still needs to be painted or like the 200 pictures I developed for my wall and haven't put half of them up yet. Then again that's the pattern of my life which really pisses me off, because I am never able to follow through on a lot of stuff I really want to (although I have other reasons for why that is happening now). Right now I'm really interested in philosophy and such and have been looking into a lot of stuff and wanting to read a lot of books by people like Plato and Satre. Existentialism really interests me. That was my plan for this weekend, and to my surprise it did not happen. Instead I hung out with friends and had a really good time, which I have been kinda enstranged to lately, though things are looking up presently. On friday I saw The Cambiata, which if anyone's looking for new music is amazing and they just put out an EP so yea sou should check them out.

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=13467048

Then saturday I woked then went over to Carrie's and from there saw The Rustic Overtones at Bullmoose. It was the first time I saw them and they were amazing even though they played for 30 minutes and didn't play c'mon. It's all good 'cause they were amazing after all and you should check them out too.

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=187427640

Then we were gonna see Cruel Hand, but the show was cancelled and we were left with no plans:( I voted for webcam, but no one else wanted to, (which resulted in a picture session on my cell)

 which was okay 'cause the only reason I wanted to was because I have no pictures of myself now. That might sound odd, but I was looking through pictures the other day to get new ones for here and myspace, but I swear in most every picture I look different and couldn't pull it off as new. Either I have no nose ring, my hair red or dark or really short or really long- I always have a need to change myself even if it is just my hair- in doing so I hope one day I will find a 'look' that I actually like and I'll keep it. I guess that's why I always feel the need to change, one time I even friggen tried dying my hair blonde. Right now I want to die my hair again, maybe permanent this time or get another piercing. I would like to get my lip pierced, though it's a very doubtful. I just need something different.

This might sound lame

but I just watched a video interview of Pete Wentz on Halfofus.com

and the truth behind it was amazing...

and the Max Bemis one was very interesting too.

"The Trees Get Wheeled Away"

Anchormen spike their blood Wear masks of mud Cucumbers cut to fit their eyes And so no one would know how tired they've grown Of talking and telling their lies

While your tvs change stations scroll messages Victims and Christians both drinking blood And they pray for the destruction of all hatred More often just those with hate for us

Cause it hurts when you discover one's worse and one's better To suffer or cause others to And you can live by your conscience Now guilt is a concept You're no longer subscribing to

There's a virgin in my bed And she's taking off her dress I don't know what I am gonna do There's a song stuck in my head And I can't help singing it Oh how I hope my singing pleases you Cause this is not who I've become But what you made me into

Oh we got no health insurance No cellular service No disease they can cure But we need more money to burn So each person must learn the dollar amount they are worth

And your pills make me dizzy Forgetting my body I watch as it walks away And I just keep drinking the poison And smoking the cartons a pack and a half a day

So when time comes to claim me My friends and my family will gather around my grave And they'll believe that they knew me and loved me and missed me And all call me by my name

So imagine what you want And then hold on to that thought Cause that's as close as it will ever come and believe you're where you are just keep acting out the part but at the end of the day the trees all get wheeled away and you'll be standing alone in a blank blank space

so believe you're who you are and just stay in character but at the end of the play the audience walks away and you'll be shivering cold on a well lit stage

I want freedom for the full expression of my personality

so, kinda stole this quote from someone else,

but I needed to put it somewhere, so I wouldn't lose/ forget about. this is an amazing quote.

"i'm done feeling like a skeleton
no more sleep walking dead"
you're going to wake from this coma
you're going to crawl from this bed you have made
and stop counting on that camera
that hangs round your neck
because it won't ever remember
what you choose to forget
as you try to find some source of light
try to name one thing you like
you used to have such a longer list
and light you never had to look for it
but now it's so easy-- it's so easy to
it's so easy-- it's so easy to
second guess everything you do
until all you want is all you want is to
to finish this half empty glass
before the ice melts away
this feeling always used to pass
but seems like it's every day
it feels like it's every night now